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Web Quest? I Am So Blessed!
Written by That New Kid on the Block   
May 10, 2006 at 02:02 PM

After months of speculation, theories blitzing about the internet about what is and what isn't, The DaVinci Code finally annouced a real web drama to unfold prior to the opening of the upcoming summer blockbuster movie (which will most likely suck. Hello? Tom Hanks? The squirrel wants its tail back). After the disappointing abortion of a website that was revealed following the publication of the book, ARG audiences everywhere held their breath, hoping beyond hope that this time Random House got it right. The DaVinci Code is a natural choice for building an ARG around, just like the Firefly and Serenity universe (hmm? We didn't get one of those either? Well, shit. What the hell was I playing? hmm? Ilovebees2? *confused look* Nooooo, I couldn't have! Really?!).

So with held, smelly Dorito breath, we collectively exhaled a sigh and then made a bunch of farting noises and thumbs-down finger motions when the web puzzle to end all web puzzles was discovered to be... A Google-based "Web Quest." Which real puzzle people and ARGers call "crap."

Spread over 24 days of mind-numbing stupidity, the difficult puzzles involved hanging pictures on a wall so they all fit, playing sudoku, moving paint smudges around some honey-combed painting, and of course, watching video trailers of the DaVinci code to look for clues. I wouldn't have made myself suffer for 5 minutes a day for 24 days, but I felt I probably had a pretty good shot of being in the first 10,000 to complete the "quest," and I really wanted a good, cheap, imitation DaVinci cryptex. It's funny what motivates a normally rational person.

In anticipation of being a finalist for Phase 2, I'm exercising my brain so that it might tackle more, terribly difficult, puzzles and reading up on the rules of the contest. Of particular notice is what happens in the event of a tie "In the event of a tie between two or more Finalists, the Finalist whose Puzzle Entry Time is the earliest will be declared the Grand Prize Winner." Ok, no issues there, but JUST IN CASE there's a tie in the tie-breaker, we're presented with this rule:
In the event of a further tie, the tied participants will be required to submit an original written essay on a subject related to The Da Vinci Code, and such essay will be judged based on the following criteria: a) Knowledge of The Da Vinci Code, 25 points; b) Creativity, 25 points; c) Originality, 25 points; and d) Subject matter, 25 points for a total of 100 points. In such case Essay cannot be longer than 100 words and must be in the English language.

Well, then, Mr. Google Web Quest, I guess the only thing for me to do is be the good little Boy Scout I'm most definitely not and get prepared. Ahemhemhem.

An Essay on the Greatness of The Da Vinci Code in Delicious Free-Form Stanzas (Please do not count the title towards the 100 words. Also, please don't count this aside as part of the 100 words.)

Byzantine.
Mazes.
Book.
Red. Cover.
Ending. Bad.
Sophie. Hot.
Bangin'.

Coded.
Chapters.
Long. Short.
Typeface. Pleasing.
Mystery.
Arcane.
Religion.
Scary.

Langdon. Old. Smart. Kinda.
DaVinci. Old. Smart. Really.
Both. Gay.

Angels. Demons. Same Book.
Digital. Fortress. Same Book.
With Computers.

Paperback. Hardcover. Illustrated. Movie. Paperback. Licensing.
EVERYWHERE
Seems Like Pokemon.

Quest.
Murder.
Grail. Holy.
Jesus. Mary.
Booty Call,
Baby!

Prostitute.
Mother of the holy bloodline.
Prostitute.
Mother of the holy bloodline.
Prostitute.
Mother of the holy bloodline.
Oh, Jesus.

Puzzles.
Intrigue.
Characters.
Dude, Where Is My ARG?
Oh.
Google.
Great.

To me, DaVinci Code is all this and more.

Finis.
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